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Downtown New York is a hotbed for all sorts of activity. Bustling businesses, financial whiz kids and marketing suits all vie for the dollar of the average working person. There’s so much heat, both in the air and on the selling floors of Wall Street that it can be quite difficult to catch your breath. It’s a place where cutthroat sales tactics and cutthroat financiers often go head to head. Perhaps that’s because they’re usually holding a knife to the proverbial throats of the others. Of course, it can be quite the place to start up a business too. If you have the savvy, you can make it. Like Sinatra used to sing “If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere.New York, New York.”

The firm of Brewster Lane LLC was sandwiched on the 14th floor of a smaller office building on 47th Street. The firm specialized in designing celebrity replica dolls, intending to capture the collector’s market.

Their first product was, of course, that American icon Elvis Presley. They sold off the firs production run at an incredible rate. The factory in Rahway, New Jersey took over making the Elvis figures almost full time. Everyone commented on the design, and how nice the design was. The partners and the board were almost shocked when they read the first month’s sales figures. They gulped water, loosened their ties and wiped their brows with their handkerchiefs.

At the first design and concept meeting after the Elvis figure was on the market, they met to decide on the next design figure. They eventually opted to pick a more current pop figure, and Britney Spears was the choice after much wrangling. The designers got to work on carving the most accurate molds they could. What’s more, Britney could probably be persuaded to help launch the new figure. Elvis having moved off “this mortal coil”, he wasn’t as available as he used to be. Britney was popular, sure, but she was still walking and talking and was a definite sex symbol, especially among the younger generation and those older men that look at dirty magazines in the bathroom at the office. Everyone seemed to think it was a good idea.

After nearly a month, the design was done and the directors, all 5 of them, unanimously approved the initial molds. They sent the design to the factory for a test mold to be made. Some design changes were then made. After nearly four more weeks, they approved the design.

“She looks better bald, to be honest,” one of the board members said with a smirk.

They fixed up the figure (no one dared call it a `doll’) and gave it a Britney outfit and Britney’s long blond hair.

Then came the true test. They got on the phone and called her agent. He told them he was sure “Britney would be flattered, but was very busy.”

Not having this sort of problem with Elvis (his estate anyway, Elvis never objected himself) they were sort of taken aback. “Didn’t you know we made the hot selling `Elvis Collectible Figurine’?” they said.

The agent sniffed. “Great. Terrific. My client is not Elvis.”

The board began to feel irritated. The tried to convince the agent to let them talk to her, at the same time they became convinced the agent was a total shmuck and an asshole. The agent would not budge on his stance. “Britney’s too busy for your cheap toys,” he concluded before hanging up the line.

They considered abandoning Britney and doing someone who had an agent who didn’t have a dick for a brain. George Washington was sounding pretty good to the members by now!

“Maybe we ought to only do dead people,” Steve, the CFO of the firm, said at a meeting. They chuckled, but still the burning over the way Britney’s agent had treated them still irked them.

Their lucky break came two weeks later. Britney was to be in town to guest on a couple of shows and one New York publicist told the Bryan, the chief designer of the firm, he could get Britney to at least look at the figure and give her nod. Maybe the project could go ahead, after all.

They all dressed in their finest Armani suits for the occasion. They wore ties that were not too conservative, not too wild and audacious, and they prepped the packaging, making sure of everything for the meeting.

The day Britney was due to arrive they were all nervous. Here was a real live pop star and she was going to hold their product, give them the OK for production. They could hardly believe their luck.

About 3 PM on the afternoon of October 3rd, Britney showed up with a few yes-men in tow. She breezed in as if she owned the place and was introduced to the board members. Steve, Jeremy, Alex, Bryan and Cliff all took turns shaking her hand after being introduced.

She seemed distant, uninterested and almost snobbish. She didn’t know about the Elvis figure. They showed her the Elvis figure’s sales figures. The yes-men in their cheap suits intercepted the sheaf’s of figures and nodded and mumbled to themselves. They practically guaranteed Britney she could get the same figures, and royalties if she would agree to endorse the figure, if she gave the OK for the design.

“Great,” said Britney, not sounding enthused at all. “Can I see the doll?”

The board members winced as a collective whole. “We prefer to think of them as collectible figures,” said Alex.

“Whatever,” she spat out. “Give me the doll, figure, whatever you call the thing.”

They handed the prototype over, certain she’d melt when she saw how well it was made and how attentive to detail the designers had been.


She played with the figure as if it were a cheap Barbie and looked nonchalantly at it. She seemed less than enthused even now. The yes-men loomed around her and muttered other things the board members didn’t catch.

“So.” said Jeremy, the CEO. “Isn’t that a wonderfully accurate replica of you?”

Britney looked at him strangely. “It sucks,” she suddenly spat. “This thing is the most hideous misrepresentation of me that’s been done. It looks cheap, it feels cheap, and it’s disgusting.”

They were totally flabbergasted. Steve tried to mollify her. “It’s a prototype. A design to model the run after.” he trailed off.

Britney flung the figure back at them. “You’re like totally wasting my time. You are so cheap! No way am I endorsing that piece of junk.”

She swept out, followed by the yes men. Alex ran out and told her if they made some design changes and showed her another prototype, would she let them have one more chance? She snorted, but reluctantly agreed to look over one more model if design changes were made.

They found out she would be back in town in 2 weeks to do a benefit show at the Meadowlands. The board tried to protest it was too soon, but the yes-men she now let do all the talking said that was their only chance to get approval from the pop star. No more chances after that for a long time.

After the debacle of a meeting was over, the board met again and shook their heads. Steve said, “wow, she is such a bitch!”

Jeremy nodded. He didn’t understand it. “She’s `like totally’ a friggin bitch and a half,” he said, imitating her style of speech.

Cliff spoke up now. “Hey. I got a crazy idea.”

Alex nodded. “What’s up, Cliff?”

“Well, do you remember when Steve said that Britney would look better bald.?”

For two weeks they planned and plotted what they would do. Jeremy and Alex objected at first to the plan saying they would get in a lot of serious trouble. But Cliff convinced them they would get their revenge on the pop diva and bring her down a few notches. Cheap shit, indeed!

The plans were made to meet Britney again. The board members told they would meet her and take her to where the new design was coming off the assembly line. She would be the first to see it. Surprisingly, she agreed to accompany them.

As the Lincoln rolled cross town towards the Holland Tunnel, they told her about how they had meticulously reworked the figure so she would feel it was quality enough to endorse. More surprising, she was alone with th
em, not even a bodyguard. She must have felt at ease. They would take her to the factory, then after the meeting drive her to the Meadowlands for her gig.

They slowly made it through the Holland Tunnel and merged onto 95 South. The traffic picked up a bit, but it was lightly raining, almost a drizzle really, that slowed traffic a bit.

They got off the New Jersey Turnpike and got onto Route 9 South. They were now about 6 or 7 miles from the factory and nearing their date, as well as hers, with destiny.

With Cliff’s crazy idea having reached it’s fruition only days before she was due to meet up with them again. They called her and actually made it through 2 “yes-men” and spoke to her directly. “I’ll be there on 27th of October,” she said. “It better be, like, better than the last piece of junk toy you showed me.”

They cringed at her flagrant and inappropriate use of prepositions. Alex told her they’d been working furiously to make it as high quality as they could. “It better show,” she said before she hung up the phone.

Jeremy was the first to speak. “Wow, she’s as bad as that asshole of an agent she has.”

Cliff nodded. “Now, let’s finish up the plan and get the details worked out. This has got to be perfect.”

And so far, it had been. There were no goons with her and certainly no yes-men. They got to the factory a few minutes after 3 P.M. They ushered her to a waiting area. Alex had a female intern, a younger woman who wasn’t really into Britney’s music keep her company while they checked on the `production run’. They left Britney and the young woman together and went out.

After about 10 minutes, Alex called the waiting room and the girl answered. “We’re ready down here. Show Miss Spears down to Room 14A.” The girl said she understood and hung up. Now was the moment.

All five of the board members had donned dark sweaters, face masks and dark chino pants. The room, the Room 14A they spoke of, was barren except for a small table (which had a green cloth draped over whatever was underneath it, and a stool with a back on it. Otherwise, the room was barren.

About seven minutes later, the door on the far side opened and the girl ushered Britney in, acting as if she thought Britney was the greatest. “I’m like, such a big fan of yours. I hope I can see you again before you go!”

By now Britney looked as if she could use a break. “Sure, whatever you say.”

The girl said, “oh, they told me they’d be right in if they weren’t here already. I’ll leave you alone, though I must say I can hardly stand it! You’re so cool!”

Britney smiled at the girl. “Sure, I’ll make sure you get an autographed picture, I promise. It’s Jessica, right?” The girl nodded furiously, still thanking her and then left through the still open door. She closed it behind her, a half grin playing at the corners of her mouth. Jessica thought `What a bringdown, huh Britney?’

Britney looked around the barren room and shivered slightly. Why not meet her in a more businesslike place? She expected that it was because it was a factory and they didn’t invest too heavily in mahogany tables and velvet drapes. If you’ve ever seen the movie Eraser you know the type of room she was in. It was very like the one in which Arnold Schwarzenegger `interrogates’ Jamie Lee Curtis.

Britney paced about for a few moments, then decided to take a seat on the stool. She sat down and breathed a heavy sigh. Perhaps it was mistake to come here without some of her security, after all. She thought it would be a quick meeting.

As soon as she sat down, the five guys rushed in and grabbed her. She started to scream for help. “Help! Jessica, help!!!”

The 5 members of the board, disguised as they were, tied her arms firmly behind her back and also her ankles were tied firmly to the stool itself. They could hardly believe their continued luck.

Then, as they got a gag ready, they showed her the new model. All the long blonde hair had been cut off. Britney looked aghast. Before she could let out another piercing scream, they stuffed a handkerchief in her mouth to effectively gag her.

“You’ll look so much better. BALD!” hissed one of the masked men.

Britney screamed again, but the handkerchief stuffed in her mouth made it impossible to get out more than a muffled yelp. Another of the masked men pulled off the green cloth to reveal a pair of electric hair clippers, as well as some shaving gear.

One of them, Steve as it happened, picked up the clippers and proceeded to plug them in as he produced an extension cord. Tears were now streaming down Britney’s face. She almost sounded hoarse through the handkerchief.

“Careful,” one of them, Alex, hissed. “You won’t be able to sing for the kiddies if you ruin your voice. Then again,” he paused as the clippers snapped on with a warm and satisfying hum, “maybe you won’t be able to perform completely BALD either!”

Steve started to cut at her long blonde tresses. He started in an almost hurried manner, but after a minute or two he settled down and began to cut her hair in a more paced manner.

He started at the back and started by hacking the ends of her hair off. Smaller sections of blonde hair dropped to the floor around the stool. Tears continued to stream down Britney’s cheeks. She was truly a prisoner of their desires. She now regretted not having brought a couple of strong musclemen with her.

Britney could see herself in the mirror on the far wall. So far, she looked not that different. If she didn’t get help, she would not be that way for long! The short sections of her hair on the floor were replaced with longer sections now that Steve had settled down.

Steve pressed the clippers to the base of her neck and began by pushing them upwards towards her crown. As the clippers worked their way through her long tresses, chewing hungrily through the long strands they were fed on, longer and curlier sections fell quickly to the floor behind the stool.

Alex and Jeremy looked on behind their ski masks, watching the long locks of hair fall of their celebrity victim. Steve, now starting to settle his nerves, continued to work on her hair at the back of Britney’s head.

As the more than two feet long hairs dropped, almost unceremoniously with a quick drop, the shape of her head was revealed. It was actually quite a nice shaped head, but it was cluttered up with all that hair!

One pass after another and the long hairs fell away. It seemed to their minds that she had twice as much hair as she really did, but they were enjoying her coming down for from being a long haired pop diva to being a crew cut sporting lady. Then, when they finished, she’d be totally bald, down to the skin.

As Steve finished the back, he moved to the sides. More and more hair fell to the floor. Now the back of Britney’s head was covered was incredibly short, bristly hair. As more of her sides came to match the back, she emerged as a different person. More beautiful bald than you could imagine if you looked at her with those long, messy tresses!

The clippers continued to work their magic, mowing more and more of her hair down. Some of the hair fell onto her street clothes (she’d come intending to make it harder for most people to recognize who she really was). Now, her `hip’ clothes were getting covered in long strands of blonde hair.

Steve finished her right side and then handed the clippers to Bryan, who would cut the left side and the top. Then Jeremy would shave the back and one side and Alex would do the other side and then the crown. Then Cliff would rub down Britney’s bald, shiny, smooth scalp and put some oil to it to make it really shine.

That was the way they’d agreed to it. Each one would play a part in making the long haired pop diva Britney Spears into a bald, completely smooth alter ego of what she had been. They’d gone too far to have any remorse now!

Slowly more and more of the natural shape of her head emerged as Bryan began to shear through the long hairs on Britney’s left s
ide. Each pass left less and less two foot plus hair and replaced it with more and more short, ultra-short bristle. Britney still strained at her bonds in order to escape, but the board members had planned this too well to allow her to escape so easily!

Bryan mowed through more and more hair. Greater and greater clumps of blonde hair fell to the floor and soon a blonde semicircle of human hair was surrounding the back of the stool she was tied to.

When he finished the left side of her head, Bryan lifted the still running clippers to the front edge of Britney’s hairline and started to pull them back from front to back. More hair dropped from her head onto her clothes onto the floor and her clothes. They hadn’t even bothered with a quick cape. As far as they were concerned, what she got was what she deserved!

Bryan felt like he got done too quickly. Still, before either he or Britney knew it, he’d finished shearing her absurdly long locks of hair off. He admired the incredibly short bristle that was left over as the two of them had sheared her long hair off. He spot checked a couple of areas and touched up her head, so now Britney now had a very even, but brutally short crew cut.

Next it was Jeremy’s turn. He picked up the razor and warm lather and began to spread it over Britney Spear’s incredibly short, shorn hair. He quickly, yet carefully enveloped her whole head in a white, warm lather that would enable the razor to slide through, ridding her of those last pesky hairs on her way to bald freedom!

Britney didn’t see it that way, of course, didn’t see it that way. She felt horrified that she was so helpless. She was also being forcibly sheared. She didn’t think that this sort of thing could happen to her, but she realized she should have expected. Others looked at her as role model, a sex image or a figure to be hated because she had the luck to make it when they didn’t. Disguised as they were, the 5 board members were getting even with her and letting the whole world see her and how awful she’d been.

As Jeremy finished rubbing the shaving foam over Britney’s head, she felt the warmth on her nearly bald head and the light aroma from the cream began to lace it’s way into her nostrils. She could see she was covered in the hair they had just forcibly sheared off her head. Jeremy put down the shaving brush that he’d used to get the foam over every square millimeter of her fuzzy head. Jeremy then started on the side, pulling the razor slowly through the foam, leaving pale, hairless scalp behind it.

Britney could hear the hairs being cut as the razor worked its magic. She was still totally horrified, but a tiny twinge of sexual arousal got sparked in her as well. She wanted to shake her head and dispel those thoughts, but Jeremy held her head firmly and she had to sit there and take it.

More long, slow swipes of the razor and more beautiful bald scalp was revealed. Jeremy was very meticulous about making sure he’d shaved every hair off, nice and smooth. He worked around and did the back with the same long strokes. Britney could feel the cool air caressing her bare scalp and was amazed how different it felt. It was like a totally different world, one that was being forced upon her.

Jeremy soon finished the back as well, and reluctantly handed the razor to Alex. Alex put it down (and here Britney felt a glimmer of hope). But, her hopes were dashed a moment later when Alex picked up a new razor and moved to her right side, where the sides were still covered in foam and ultra short hair and began to pull the fresh clean razor through the foam as meticulously as Jeremy had.

All the men found they were immensely enjoying this experience, forcibly shaving the head of Britney Spears. None of them ever imagined being able to get away with something like this. Even if they went to prison for a thousand years, the sheer exhilaration of what they were now doing would always be with them.

Alex finished the right side and began to make long pulls on the razor from her forehead back. Britney could see that more and more bare scalp was emerging. Did her scalp really look like that? It all looked so, well, alien.

More and more cool, damp air caressed her scalp as Alex continued to pull the razor back. Less and less hairs were being cut now, she could tell. She was so horrified. What would it mean to her career? What about those that looked up to her as a `role model’? Were they going to have to look at her as freak now, a bald girl who’d lost her attractive flair?

Still, she supposed there were some folks that probably liked bald girls. They weren’t exactly what she was catering to, but when you reach that level of world renown and fame, you don’t really think about excluding people out of you “clique”. Unless they are truly twisted or you so vehemently think that they’re wrong that you choose to exclude them, Britney felt like she might have to make a new life choice. But what was the cold, ever-critical eye of the media going to say?

Alex finished up now, running his fingers over her bare scalp and running the razor over any areas that were still sprouting miniscule tufts of hair. When he stepped back, he’d rubbed his fingertips all over her scalp and found it was completely bare and completely beautiful.

Cliff whispered to Steve, “you were right. She does look better completely bald!”

Steve nodded as Cliff stepped forward and began to rub her head with a light oil, to really make it shine and help the skin become moisturized. Then he took a terrycloth towel and lightly rubbed and buffed her scalp over. Without using anything else, they were amazed at how well Britney’s head shone under the few pale lights. At this point, Steve and Jeremy slipped out to complete their charade. After a few minutes, they started banging on the door. The others took their cue and rapidly fled the other way. Britney hollered as best she could, but of course she still had the handkerchief in her mouth. Then the door opened and Jeremy burst in.

“What happened,” he cried and ran over to her. “Britney? My God, Britney Spears! What the hell happened in here? We’ve been looking all over for you!” He pulled the handkerchief out of her mouth and began to untie her bonds.

“Four, maybe five.yes it was 5 men, in disguise, tied me up and shaved me bald.” Here, for the first time she ran her fingers over her own bare scalp for the first time. She shivered. “It was awful!”

Steve had joined them to hear this. Withholding his secret smirk he said clearly and distinctly, “don’t worry, we’ll find them. Whoever did this will be punished.”

Britney was tired and wiped out from the experience. “Just please get me to the Meadowlands for the show,” was all she could say, a new stream of tears running down her cheeks.

“Of course,” said Jeremy and they ushered her out and back to the Lincoln. She was going to her show, but now totally bald!

That night they watched the news to see if there was something about the concert. Towards the end of the 11 o’clock news, they saw a clip of her and she had hair! She must have gotten a wig! But then they showed her talking to the audience and then she pulled off the wig, showing her bare chrome dome. She claimed that was doing it to show that her music was always first, her image second. “It feels great,” she whooped into the microphone. “You should try it too!” And she launched into another song.

No one at the TV station seemed to feel the same way as Britney did, but then again it was a bit of a shocking thing. The guys never got their endorsement for her doll, but they did redesign it as the `Collectible Bald Britney Figure’. It didn’t sell nearly as well as Elvis had, but the whole affair had made them realize that the whole process of shaving her head more than made up for the downturn in sales. After all, they thought, there was always George Washington.


-for Jessica P

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