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The Dark Side [Chris quotes from Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream] Chris Stevens Northern Exposure Episode 3.05, "Jules et Joel"


“There’s a dark side to each and every human soul. We want to be Obi-Wan Kenobi, and for the most part we are, but there’s a little Darth Vadar in all of us. Because the thing is, this ain’t no either/or proposition. Because we’re talking about dialectics, the good and the bad merging into–us. You know, you can run but you can’t hide. My experience: face the darkness, stare it down and own it. It’s like brother Nietzsche says, being human is a complicated gig, so give that old dark night of the soul a hug. And howl the eternal yes.


“Jake?” Sam studied her husband the next morning.


“What?” he answered, pulling on a pair of blue jeans and pausing to look at her.


“I’m lost, baby. When did I lose control?” She yawned and stretched. Sitting up ram-rod straight Sam opened her eyes as wide as possible.


“Holy shit, Jake. You are a frigging icon. You are one of the most famous stars making movies today……”


“And?” Jake leaned upon the bed and eased himself down beside her.


Sam grabbed the sheets and looked downward. Her greenish blue eyes came up and blinked at him.


“Well, I have just been…..err….and your baby…well I sometimes forget about who you really are.”


“And?” Jake put one hand under her jaw and started in for a kiss.


“This is just too much for me. I mean why me? I know I fought all this, marriage and you and well…”


The icon paused. He frowned and gave her red lips a simple peck.


“You did that. You fought like hell. Silly girl.” He broke into a grin then and settled back against the headboard, propping his feet up in a lazy move.


“You never had a chance.”


It was Sam’s turn to frown as she gave him a rough push, stronger than he thought possible. Loosing his balance he fell off the bed landing with a huge thud and causing the hardwood floor to shake.


“Fuck!” Jake bellowed, his face smashed flat into the floor.


Samantha flung the covers off and tried to reach him as quickly as she could.


“Oh, baby. I’m sorry. Are you OK?” She landed on top of him her hands reaching for his face.


“Oof.” He said as she knocked the wind out of him He struggled to flip over and grabbed her, balancing her small and completely naked body in his lap as he sat up.


“Fuck, Sam!” he rubbed his face. Or at least he tried. She reached for his face at the same time and somewhere in the tangle of both their hands, she poked him in the left eye.


“Good God! What are you trying to do?” Jake fell backwards on the floor and his head hit the floor hard. “Oh….” He moaned trying to hold his eye and rub the back of his head at the same time.


“Let me see. I’m sorry.” Sam leaned forward, her breasts swinging in front of his face. Her long curls sweeping down over them like a curtain.


“NO! Stop! Back off!” Jake grabbed her hands and blinked his hurt eye. He squinted up at her plump pink breasts. Holding both her small hands he let his thumbs slip over and drew tiny circles around the pert and rosy nipples.


“Well, good morning to you two.” He said and struggled to sit up to reach them. With one side of his face bruised, a growing bump on the back of his head and half-blinded, Jake Patterson was still attempting to make a move. Sam noticed she was sitting atop a growing erection and she was still butt naked. Shaking her hands loose, she reached over quickly and drug the bedcovers towards herself.


“Oh, you aren’t hurt at all!” she scolded


“Yes, I am.” Jake pushed the covers away from her onto the floor.


Sam crossed her arms and sat up straighter. “Go get us some coffee. PLEASE, Jake. They must have some downstairs. Don’t they serve breakfast here? I smell something good. Fresh coffee and other scrumptious things.”


“I would if I thought I could make it.” He leaned back on the floor making sure his hands went back to cradle his head this time. “You might attack again, if I make any sudden moves.”


Samantha smiled at him and then she laughed. She moved her hips in a little circle rubbing the front of his pants and the early morning hard-on and then she stood up straddling her husband and reaching her hand downwards towards him.


“Get up. Let me look your face. Seriously.”


Joe came up off the floor smoothly. He sat down on the bed and his wife moved between his legs to study the damage. He let his hands rest on her bottom.


“I think you might have a bruise there.” She stroked his face softly and then kissed it.


“I think your definition of submissive is different than mine.” He said gingerly touching his eye.




“Come here.” Jake said as Sam walked out of the bath. He was laid out on the bed, propped up and drinking a steaming cup of coffee.


“I don’t want to go back to bed. Back to sleep. I sleep enough as it is.” Sam climbed up on the bed and plopped down beside him. He handed her a hot cup of coffee.


“This will help. But, aren’t you supposed to stop drinking coffee?”


“Can’t do it.” Sam blew on the wonderful cup of glorious caffeine. “But I have cut back to just one cup. We will simply have to have a hyper child. We will anyway. If it’s your baby, he will ask for Red Bull in his little bottle.”


Jake smiled and took a sip. “I do get hyped don’t I?”


They sat quietly, enjoying the moment.


“I’m not an icon?” Jake said quietly.


“Are too.”


“Well if I am how come no-one here recognizes me.”


“Your disguise is good.”


“I guess.” He rubbed the back of his head.


“Your Pee-wee Herman look. I think Gladys has a clue…”


“Oh, you have to call Jamie…” Jake remembered his phone calls while Sam had showered. “Something about the house and that decorator…”


“The crazy one?”


“They’re all crazy. And way too expensive.”


dquo;Shut up. You can afford it.” Sam was tickled. Jake was a cheap millionaire about certain things. Not box seats for the World Series, but things like the price fabric threw him off.


“K. I’ll call her in a minute. Did you get through to your Mr. Director?” Sam asked sarcastically.


“Yes, I took care of everything. I told him we would be there on the 28th. I also told him I am turning the phone off and will only be checking it in the morning.”


“Did you tell him the phone number here…for emergencies?”


“Hell, no! I told Jamie and told him to call her. Told her to not let anyone through. Hell he would be calling me every two seconds with an emergency.”


“Jamie will take care of him.” Sam chuckled thinking of Jake’s no nonsense assistant. Actually it was her assistant as well now. They continued on with small talk for awhile and Sam found herself sinking deeper into the covers and yawning despite herself.


Jake took her empty cup out of her hand. “You can sleep, babe.”


“Don’t want to….”


“Why not? Get as much rest as you want. That will be over in about five months.”


“True. But I also want to enjoy this vacation with you. It’s a beautiful day.” She waved her hand lazily over to the sunshine peeking through the old fashioned curtains.


“Honeymoon. Not vacation, honeymoon.” Jake scrunched down with her, wrapping his long arms around her. “But I do promise we will have a true honeymoon later. After this film.”


“After the baby is born?” Sam pushed him back and put her hand on her stomach. “Oh, lord.” As if it just hit her, she looked up at Jake with sad eyes, “I’m gonna have a baby.”


“Well, not right at this second.” He kissed her small nose. Jake wasn’t looking for a tearful and dramatic outbreak. Although Sam was never a drama queen, he wouldn’t blame her at times. Just not right now. It wouldn’t fit in with his plans.


“I love you Sam.” He gave her his world renowned smile. “Lay back, relax and let’s get into some of that honeymoon stuff.” Leaning into her ear he lowered his voice. “I’m thrilled about the baby, Sam. You know that don’t you?” He pulled back and hung his head. This was usually the point his hair fell forward onto his forehead and then he could glance back at Samantha, from underneath his long eyelashes, appearing copiously boyish and appealing. But he had no hair anymore and hoped this would still work to his advantage.


Sam stared at him with a blank look on her face.


She grinned. “You suck!”


Jake looked wounded for a split second. He recovered and dove for the closest breast. “OK!”


“I’m not one of your damn ‘fans’, Jake!” she giggled and tried to push him off.


“Thank God for that.” He raised his head up and put his hand on the back of her head drawing her to his lips and kissing her deeply. The kiss went on forever it seemed. Sam lost track of where they were. Somehow she wound up flatter in bed and tucked up under his big chest. Her husband jerked his mouth off and stared down at her.


“Uh….. you can’t con me. I’ve got your number.” Sam struggled to sit up. He jerked her back down again.


“You’re such a bad actor, Jake.”


“Now that will cost you!” he grinned. His real grin. No acting there. Samantha felt she was about to be ravished.


“Oh, no! I’m scared.” She couldn’t hide her grin.


“You’d better be! I want you shaking …….” His hand fell on one nipple and played softly, “………and shivering…….” His finger trailed downward to her triangle of soft pink skin, “….knee knocking and quaking……”


Sam threw her head back and the familiar tiny whisper of ‘Oh, Jake…..’ came out of her mouth. The man had great fingers. When he was ‘hyped’, he drummed his fingers on a desk top or his leg. His knee would hop up and down and he simply had trouble sitting still. Many times, Samantha had watched those long fingers nervously playing. At times like this, she thanked both God and Red Bull he exercised them so diligently.


**** _______________________________________________________________________


At the beginning Samantha felt she was in a dream.


She walked slowly down the stairs at the Bed and Breakfast, turning towards the dining room when she reached the bottom. Voices were ringing out and she could hear Jake laughing and the voice she thought might be Florence’s. Sam rubbed her bare shoulders wondering why she felt so vulnerable. So naked. So strange. Surely it was this honeymoon thing that had her going. Either, that or the pregnancy. Wasn’t she supposed to be glowing? Maybe that was it. She paused at the doorway to the dining room and peeked in.


Florence and Jake had their heads together looking over a large book. Sharply, Jake’s head snapped up as he caught a glimpse of her. Maybe it was that glow she had. Requardless, he saw her and he smiled. Once again, his real smile. Sam decided that would be a goal in her marriage. To keep that real smile on Jake’s face. None of that fake stuff for them. Thank God she could tell the difference.


“Hey, baby. Ready for lunch?” Jake slammed the big book closed .


“I slept until lunch-time?” Sam asked and moved towards his side of the table.


“Yes, you did and you should.” Florence stood up and walked behind the young bride.


“You sit and I’ll bring you something great to eat, OK?” She pulled out a chair and satisfied herself with Sam being seated before she left. “Be right back.” She stated cheerfully.


“What’s that?” Sam tried to pull the book over to her side.


“Nothin’” Jake said. “Look, I’ll be leaving with the guys in a while and you eat first and then I do think they are ready to wait on you hand and foot.” He gestured towards the door Florence had gone through.


“Oh, God, Jake. I’d rather skip that. Whatever……. they think. I’m just not comfortable letting a bunch of Kansas beauty shop ladies attack me.” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders.


Jake untwined her arms and cleared his throat. “Errrrrr…. I don’t think so Sam. Let them have their wa
y…….. and well the guys….I need this ‘atmosphere thing’ that they are providing. Just stay here and then we will have a fine time tonight. Remember the church festival thing?”


She frowned and pulled with all her might on the book Jake had captured under his arms, just as Florence came through the swinging kitchen door with a huge and hearty lunch.


Sam glanced quickly over the book, seeing it was book of hairstyles and must be from Florence’s shop downstairs.


“Uh………..” Sam shot a look at her husband that might have flattened a normal man.


“Oh, yes. Your sweet husband has decided on a new style for you, Samantha. Can I call you Sam? That’s such a cute name.” Florence sat down, making sure Sam had everything she needed to enjoy her lunch.


“Well, I don’t know…..” Sam attempted a few words, staring at the salad and huge sandwich in front of her.


“Oh, I think it’s just so cute they way you two are acting. The fact you promised to cut your hair the way he wanted, after he grew his hair out long like that for you.”


Florence crossed her arms and smiled.


“Yes, babe. I told her about our deal.” Jake crossed his arms too. “Deal?” Sam raised her eyebrows.


“Sure. You know. You wanted me to grow out my short marine cut. I did and then went back to the way I liked it…..”




“Yes. Sure. Now you promised to have your hair cut the way I wanted to see it? Remember?”


Immediately Sam decided to take up finger drumming on the table, like Jake so loved to do. She didn’t know if it would help but she had to try something before her head exploded. “Say ………..WHAT!!!?”


Jake laughed. “I don’t think you are awake yet, sweetheart.” He stood and took Samantha by the arm. “Excuse us for a minute, Florence.” He held his finger up in the lady’s face. “Be right back.”


Sam found herself outside on the porch off the dining room. Jake settled her against one rail and started pacing. Oh, he was so cute when he was mad. Samantha shook her head still feeling like she was in a dream and turned back to him.


“Surely you aren’t serious about this…hair thing…..”


She had done it finally. Evidently she was ready to go back on her promise to be the submissive wife. It made him mad. He had put a lot of effort into this fantasy scheme. She had no idea how much effort. Jake glared at her and flew across the porch. Gathering her up in his arms and holding her tight he sunk his lips down to her ear, hoping they appeared to be flirting or just newly-wed silly, to Florence or anyone else that might see them.


“Listen to me, baby. I love you. I do. But you said you would play this game. Don’t pretend I have just forgotten. I haven’t. I love your hair, I do. But you will do this for me and for yourself as well. It will grow out again. And like I said, we will always have this to remember. Trust me. You’d never do this unless I made you. Period. I know that and so do you. In a way I am forcing you to explore………to enjoy this thing…that’s all wrapped up in us. In us and our fantasies….”


“Jake!” Samantha wrenched herself free.


She walked a few steps away from him and stopped. She felt like she was in the Twilight Zone. Everything was askew. She really did not want to cut her hair or do anything drastic to it. She assumed he knew that. She assumed he had been playing about the demand and submission thing. Last night had been cute and although terrible sexy, it was still very sweet and fine by her in the long run. Now he was going too far.


Jake’s hand settled on her upper arm, tightened and drew her back.


“You don’t get it do you?” he glowered down at her from his height, for once not bending down to her level. “You are forgetting one thing, Sam. You have to do this. You have to do whatever I say. Period. If you aren’t going to go along with this freely you might be punished with far worse.”


She glared at him. This wasn’t like Jake. He seemed like a different person all together.


“Is that a threat?”


“Yes, Sam it is. I’m getting my way here and that’s the bottom line.”


She felt a sudden thrill run threw her body. Holy cow, she was turned on by this macho attitude. She was shocked, furious, hurt and hot all at the same time.


Sinking down to whisper one last time, Jake played his hand.


“You do this Sam. I won’t ask you again. Just for today we will play this game. Anything I want. After this, I most definitely want you to grow your hair back to exactly the way it is now. I love it. It’s beautiful. But hey! Turn about is fair play. This is simply an erotic game………kinky yes, but it all comes from your kink. I’m doing this because you will thank me for it in the end. I’m doing this because I’m so God-damn in love with you that my skin hurts. My heart aches every time I look at you. You and I both know that. And here is the one thing that will make you do this for me. If you don’t do everything I say, I will, without a doubt…take you upstairs tie you down and do what ever I want. There’s more hair to shave you know. Not only that, since I know how you feel about this, for the rest of your life you’ll never know when I might decide to take advantage of your secret desires. I’m bigger and stronger than you. I can always do what I want at anytime. So, you’ll have that hanging over your head so to speak. I can do that and I will if you balk, now. You know I will and you know I have the balls to do it.” Jake pulled her into his arms and smashed his mouth down on hers.


Samantha folded into him.


Full of strange feelings. Her heart was breaking. She loved this man so dearly. He was her baby. Now it seemed he was turning into the world’s biggest bastard in only a mere few seconds. Releasing her he stepped back. She stared at him with tears in her eyes. It took everything Jake could bring forth not to break down and cave to those tears. He pointed towards the door, towards this experience he was forcing on her and towards the very breakdown of their relationship.


“March. Now.” He spat out.


If she could run, Samantha would have. As it was she’d have to work up to her escape. At the moment she was too much in shock, not to do what he said. Surely having her hair cut would be nothing compared to the alternative. Dealing with her broken heart would be dealt with at a later date. She was working on surviving at this point.


She returned to the table
and Florence.


From that moment on Sam was a lost little soul. Her Prince Charming had turned out to be a devil, like everyone had warned her of. Once again she realized a bit late, that things were never as good as they seemed. No-one ever learned. And as always, all the things you hear all your life were true. Jake Patterson couldn’t really love her and be doing such cruel things to her. She would have to accept that.


Jake watched her as she tried to eat her lunch. The tension in the air that day was rough and uncomfortable. He felt she truly wanted this, in that sexual fantasy-type way. So if he felt that, why was his heart in a knot every time he glanced her way? Maybe he was wrong in doing this?


“Sam?” he stopped her before she left on her way to follow Florence downstairs.


“I love you. I love you with all my heart. Don’t you see that?”


Her empty eyes bore into him. It was obvious she was not taking this well. He wanted to let it all go at that point. He wanted to bend down and beg her to forgive him. But how could he? He had dug his way into this mess, thinking this would be the right way to go. Now this tiny girl, who weighted one-third his weight, was bringing him to his knees.


“Stop, Jake.” Samantha said quietly. She pushed his hands away. “It doesn’t matter. Not anymore. I’ll do whatever you say.” With that she turned and walked out of the room..


Jake stood still. He would have to go through with this and follow them downstairs. He was in no way giving in and was ready to fight all the way for Sam, his baby and their life together. But he was at a no turning back stage. If this played out and Sam responded as he thought she would, then it would all be terrific. If she didn’t respond and continue with that blank stare in her eyes, he would probably lose her. He could stop everything right now but if he did, they would never know. He had to show her he cared enough to put her through this.


He started towards the stairs not sure about anything. This was a huge gamble. Jake was a gambling man but stakes on this might be higher than anything he’d run into so far in his life.


‘Well, fuck me.’ He said to himself. ‘Patterson, you are either the world’s smartest man or the biggest idiot alive. At this point I’d put money on the later.’




Sam stared at the room that appeared at the bottom of the stairs. It was, if she were using her art director’s eyes, a complete delight. The beauty salon was as old fashioned as it could be and Sam truly wished she was scouting for a film and not about to be a customer. Everything in sight seemed to be some shade of pink and she knew some of the salon chairs and furniture would be considered priceless to those that collected vintage. The smell of salon chemicals, the huge hair dryers and the pink and black linoleum flooring took her back to days when she had been a little girl. “Blast from the past!’ she thought and noticed Florence and several other women staring at her. Two were dressed in pants but wore pink aprons and sported out-dated “dos”. She couldn’t even tell their ages. She had stepped back in time and would have appreciated it if she weren’t so upset about her situation.


“Oh! It’s lovely!” she attempted to quip brightly, and looked to Florence trying to cover up her nervousness. She didn’t want to be rude. After all, this small town woman had no idea about Jake and his games. It wasn’t her fault. And she had been nothing but sweet.


“Well thank you Sam.” Florence broke out into a grin. The little newly-wed was acting so sad and strange.


“Oh, Florence!” Sam suddenly grabbed her arm, causing Flo to jump.


“What has Jake suggested for my….this hairdo? I’m so upset. I’m sorry to act so weird and all, but…..I haven’t cut my hair in such a long time. I don’t want to now…..”


Flo sighed, relieved and understanding now. “Oh, is that what’s making you nervous? Don’t worry sweetie. I thought you were ready for this? Just tell him you really don’t want to……..”


”Oh, but she does, Florence. She does!” Jake leaned his tall form up against the doorframe to the little shop. “You do, don’t you Sam? Whatever I want, baby. Isn’t that right?” He looked downright evil to Sam. His black eyebrows came together in a scowl.


There were three blue haired older ladies in the shop. Customers it appeared.. They and the two beauticians gasped out loud at the sight of this handsome man in their normally all-female domain. Then they giggled and whispered. One of the women held up a copy of People magazine and peered over it to look at Jake. She glanced quickly back from the magazine to this tall dark man. He didn’t have the goofy glasses on, but held them in one hand, twirling them in little circles.


“Good afternoon, ladies.” Jake looked away from his wife and rewarded the females with his smile. “You don’t mind if I sit in on my wife’s little makeover do you?”


They blushed, as most women did in his presence. A collective, ‘Of course not!’ was thrown back at him. Then the little lady with the magazine spurted out loudly, “You’re Jake Patterson!” She slammed her hand over her mouth. Jake grinned patiently and put the glasses on. “No ma’am, I’m not but I have been told that before.” Of course, all in this town knew of these two and their honeymoon story.


The little lady felt silly to have said what she did.


Stepping forward Jake put two big hands on Samantha’s shoulders.


“Until the guys get here, I’ll just have a seat and watch sweetie. OK?” He rubbed her shoulders tightly and pulled up the thick mass of her gorgeous hair. Lifting it up, he kissed the back of her neck. The room sighed, watching this romantic move.


“I can’t wait to get to this pretty spot with ease. Tell Florence to get busy please, baby. Tell her you want to do this. And no peeking. Let this be a surprise, OK. It will be fun.”


He moved away and settled into one of the pink leather sofas behind what seemed to be Florence’s station.


“You don’t mind if I smoke, do you Flo?” Jake pulled out one of the big cigars he smoked occasionally, and tapped it on the arm of the couch.


“Believe it or not, I don’t mind at all.” Florence glanced at the other women, her eyebrows raised to see if anyone would protest. No-one did. The room would probably allow Jake to do whatever he wanted to.


Sam sneered at him. He got away with murder whenever he wanted to. The cocky arrogant hunk.


“I mind, Tom.” She said loudly. “The baby and I…..”


;Oh, but there’s a wonderful ventilation fan right there, over the sofa, Sam. For the chemicals and all…” Florence pointed upwards.


“Thank you Flo. That’s real sweet of you. People are usually so fussy about smoking.” Jake lit a match and cupped his hands to touch the end. Shaking out the match he blew out the stream of stogie smoke, sat back, crossed his legs and looked directly at his Sam.


He winked at her.


Mrs. Jake Patterson felt her hands start to shake and she tried to hold them steady among the folds of her sundress. She was afraid they would fly up and head straight for his throat on their own if she lost control. The mere whiff of a good cigar drove Sam batty. Cigars made her horny. Jake knew that. She had no idea why, but she practically swooned every time he smoked one. It was probably another thing she’d never understand along with the hair thing.


Florence rushed to find an ashtray for him and with that done she took Sam’s hand. “Let’s get you shampooed and started. OK, sweetie?” Sam allowed herself to be led away to the back of the shop feeling Jake’s eyes on her every step of the way. She decided to occupy her mind with something to get through this. Inventing intricate ways to torture her husband was the first thing that popped into her mind.


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